Sin Resulting from Fear

God has been working on me lately.  One thing has become apparent.  I have some underlying fears and anxieties about my future in church planting.  I am not questioning my decision to pursue this path, I am just acknowledging that I cannot exactly see where this path is going.  I don’t know where the money is going to come from to take care of my family.  I don’t know where we will end up?  I don’t know how we will sell our house, if we need to.  I don’t know how the timeline will look for getting started and bringing on teammates.  There is a lot I don’t know and I have some fears and anxiety about it.

About a week ago and was feeling pretty anxious and stressed.  I don’t think I realized it, but I was.   I had just watched a movie at home with Amy and was getting ready for bed, anticipating the following day as a time to make some progress on our church planting plan.  Amy had washed the sheets and we had not put them back on the bed yet.  I was ready to get right to sleep and get some important rest for a busy day.  Amy asked me to help her put the sheets on the bed and I pretty much exploded.  I was frustrated that I wasn’t going to get the sleep I needed and Amy wasn’t being sensitive to all the work I needed to get done the next day.

I ended up helping her put the sheets on the bed and then went to sleep.

The next morning I went to my favorite place to pray and hang out with God.  As I was listen for a word, I heard him say that I needed to go home and apologize to Amy.  As I began to reflect on this I began to realize I had blown a fuse over a really insignificant 30 second request.  (It is probably obvious to you, but it wasn’t to me).  I began to reflect and ask God to help me understand why.  It became apparent that I was afraid of the future and felt like I needed to work hard and figure out my own way forward the next day.  God helped me realize that He is the one who is writing my story and I am not going to make any progress because I simply work hard.  (I’m not saying I don’t need to work hard or that God doesn’t hold me responsible for playing a part in working out my own future)  Essentially, I was not trusting God with my future and it manifested itself in my short fuse with Amy.

My own brokenness/sin (mistreating Amy) was not a result of my not loving or respecting Amy, but because I wasn’t trusting God.  I was afraid.  By the way, I did go home and confess my sin to Amy and ask for her forgiveness.  She did extend grace and forgiveness to me.  She is pretty great!  And I are trying to walk forward with behavior that shows I am trusting God.

I hope to give some theological reflection to this in another post, but I’m running out of time today.  Thanks for praying for us!

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About micahlewis

I am a follower of Jesus, servant of the church, husband to a wonderful wife, and father to 2 fantastic children.
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2 Responses to Sin Resulting from Fear

  1. Ryan says:

    Micah:

    At the height of the drama at Park Row, I lost my mind because we were out of paper plates. I feel your pain. Keep following God and listening for His voice.

    Your brother,
    Ryan

  2. Thanks for your transparancy, Micah. I know the stress of life transitions. You have grown significantly in recent months. Athough the road is not yet mapped out, God is traveling with you and leading you in His Holy Spirit.

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